


our resident thunder god is probably into vore

by Kitty Eden (TheBigCat)



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Let them be friends, Slice of Life, TAZ Commitment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 16:45:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12657456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBigCat/pseuds/Kitty%20Eden
Summary: Morning at the Berg, with at least two people that don't know how to take care of themselves.





	our resident thunder god is probably into vore

**Author's Note:**

> it figures that the first fic i write for this fandom would be for this mini-arc. I wasn't really sure where I was going with this, and it definitely shows. so sorry about how rambling this is and the fact that it doesn't really end at a good point. i'll probably return later and write more TAZ fics but until now. take this
> 
>  
> 
> i love my kids
> 
> i'm whydoeskardalawantmeat on tumblr btw

 “Christopher Rembrandt,” said Nadiya as Remy passed through their now-shared living quarters with a half-finished bottle of Sprite and an unopened cylinder of Pringles, “is that meant to be your _breakfast?_ ” 

 Remy paused at the door, throwing her a confused, uncertain look. “Uh. Yeah?”

 “You’re drinking Sprite for breakfast,” Nadiya said, voice flat as anything. “God help me, I know I’m self-destructive sometimes, but that’s –”

 “Well, what did _you_ have for breakfast this morning?” Remy crossed his arms over each other and bit off the lid of the Pringles can with his front teeth, before doing the same to the Sprite bottle. It was actually kind of disgusting to watch.

 “I didn’t have anything for breakfast,” said Nadiya impatiently. “I was busy experimenting with these ‘powers’ that we’ve all acquired – ”

“Well, that puts me one up on you,” said Remy, taking a sip of his Sprite.

“You can’t survive on Sprite and Pringles alone, Christopher,” said Nadiya. 

“Fucking watch me.” Remy cronched a Pringle loudly in her direction, and started walking towards his room. “Sour-cream-and-chives flavour – this is all I need for the rest of my life,” he called back at her.

“Weren’t you supposed to be an _athlete_ \- oh, this is ridiculous.” Nadiya rolled her eyes, and then did something to her arm that should probably be banned by some Board of Ethics, somewhere, turning it into a massive, extending pair of kitchen tongs. She leaned forwards, and grabbed him by the forearm with it. He yelped aloud immediately, and tried to do the thing where he jumped down like the entire hallway in a split second and landed directly in front of his bedroom door, for Maximum Speed Getaway. Unfortunately, this didn’t work out – he ended up colliding with the wall and collapsing onto the floor with a small _oof_.

Nadiya, using her improvised arm-pincer, dragged him back into the shared living quarters, and deposited him onto the couch. She could tell by his somewhat theatrical groans that he wasn’t _really_ hurt. “Nice going, Spiderman.”

Remy muttered something that sounded like _but my Pringles_ , and Nadiya looked over to see that he had indeed dropped his Pringles while trying to escape her, along with the Sprite, which was now leaking all over the floor.

“Kardala’s in residence today, isn’t she?” she asked instead of giving them to him.

Remy raised his head off the couch, momentarily diverted from the Pringles Situation. “…I heard thunder and death threats coming from their room this mornining, so, uh?”

“Cool, cool,” she said, and then retracted her kitchen tongs so they snapped back into her regular hand. She picked up the Pringles before heading across to the room that Irene and Kardala both existed in, at regular intervals.

" _What are you doing,_ " went Remy, and then Nadiya threw the door open quickly, tossed the Pringles in, and slammed the door just as quickly. There was a brief moment of silence.

_"Is this one of your foul demonic creations?"_

"Hardly," Nadiya called back, "it's food. You open the can, and eat them, and - apparently - they taste good."

There was another brief silence.

“She’s gonna vore those Pringles,” Remy mourned.

“Oh my god, please don’t say that.” Nadiya wrinkled her nose. “I don’t want to think about that, Christopher. That is a _bad_ thought.”

“She’s gonna crunch them all down at once, carton and all. How could you abandon my boys to that cruel, cruel fate?"

"You say that as if your _own_ thing for vore isn't painfully fucking obvious," Nadiya sniped.

From behind them, the sound of a thunder god downing an entire can of Pringles, carton and all, followed by her loud roar of approval, could be distinctly heard.

"Well, there goes my breakfast. Thanks a lot, Nads."

"Don't call me that," Nadiya said reflexively. "And no, your breakfast isn't gone."

"Uh, no, actually, I'm pretty sure you _just fed it_ to Irene's godsona - "

"It's _not gone_ ," Nadiya continued pointedly, "because I haven't started making it yet." 

And with that, she headed directly into the shared kitchen (that literally had not seen use apart since they moved in), leaving Remy behind on the couch, staring incredulously after her. Just as she went to wash her hands before starting work, she heard his reaction - "you can _cook?!_ "

"Well, _yes_ , of course I can cook," said Nadiya acidly. "A lot of the principles in the lab can be applied to standard cooking procedures, and I've lived alone for most of my life - I don't survive on takeout and pizza alone, unlike _some people_ -"

"That's pretty neat," said Remy earnestly, which gave her pause for a moment. Most of the things Remy did were done _earnestly_ and _cheerfully_ , but this was the first time she had time to process the fact that these emotions were genuine. And apparently directed at her, for some reason. It was somewhat endearing.

"Cook me a feast, science lady," he added, which was somewhat less endearing.

She rolled her eyes. “Any requests?” She started going through their ridiculously empty fridge. She was a _scientist_. How was she supposed to work with… half a carton of eggs, assorted dairy products, and some butter packets stolen from the mess hall? Oh. Right. “Just kidding. No requests. I’m making omelette. With… dubious cheese, apparently.”

“Nadiya, I think we’re at a high enough level in our friendship for you to find out right here, right now, that I prefer my boys _scrambled_.”

“Fine,” she said, long-sufferingly, discarding the milk (spoiled) in favour of the butter packets. She did a Science-y Thing with her hand and turned it into a whisk. "Scrambled egg boys it is."   

Remy did something borderline impressive where he kind of threw himself up into the air, flipped over halfway through, and ended up on the couch again, but this time lying on his chest. Nadiya refused to acknowledge the fact that she had seen it happen, and instead started to whisk all of the eggs that they had into a large bowl.

After a few seconds of this, Remy pulled out his phone and started scrolling through his Facebook feed.

And then within minutes (it wasn't really a _hard_ recipe, so) the eggs were sizzling on the stovetop, and she had found some cheese and pepper. Not to be too congratulatory on herself, but it was smelling _good._

Just as Nadiya was taking the frying pan off the stove, there was a muffled roar of thunder from the Irendala Shared Room, a howl of abject anger and fury, a thump, and then a loud " _fuck!_ "

"Irene's back," Remy reported, flipping over to Spotify.

The door to her room opened, and she emerged, looking kind of rumpled in the way that you usually only get after having sex or transforming into your superpowered godsona alter ego for an extended period of time. "Uh, good morning, uhm.. Okay. I know Kardala came out for a while, but that - I don't -" she dithered for a while and then: "...guys, _why does my mouth taste like cardboard?_ "

The corner of Nadiya's mouth twitched, and she hurriedly turned away to hide it. Remy let out an undignified snort.

"You know what," said Irene hurriedly, "I've changed my mind; I don't want to know."


End file.
